21 May 2012 - Final Email

Well it's coming to an end. Hopefully, I learned what I needed to and hopefully I'll learn more.

It gets harder and harder as it gets closer :) People are telling me it's my last P-Day, soon it will be my last Tuesday, etc.That doesn't make me feel any better. People tell me that I have done a great work, etc., but I haven't convinced myself yet :) However, I am extremely grateful that I served a mission. It is one of the few things that I have done well and worked until the bitter end. I consider it a badge of honor. It wasn't easy and I wasn't perfect and I couldn't have done it alone. It is an overwhelming feeling to know that you have served the Lord. I hope to feel the spiritual confirmation of the Lord accepting my work. It isn't necessary, but it's nice.

I know that this church is true. I have lived the Lord's Gospel in a way that I have never done before. I clearly see its power to change and alter the life of man forever. I know that the Gospel changes people, it makes them want to do what is right. I know that the Book of Mormon is a true book. It was set aside for our days. The nephites and lamanites didn't have it, but we do. The Lord saved it because we need it. I have a very personal, profound testimony of the Lord's love for me and the undeniable power of repentance. I know that He forgives and I know that He can forgive. He died for us and rose again. He is the Christ. He is my Savior and my Friend. 

21 May 2012 - From Bottom to Top

Here's the stake missionary plaque wall two years ago with Michael's plaque first in line at the top and Jeffrey's at the tail. Now Jeffrey's in #1 in line and only a week to go.

14 May 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

People sometimes look down at returned missionaries if they don't come home running back to school/work/marriage and 'wasting' time doing anything else. I spent a lot of time walking around so I'll need to rest a bit ;)

I can see that my desires have changed and I have different priorities in my life. The gospel is much more important to me now. I made a few goals for returning home. I don't like making goals, I'm not good at it but I have tried here on the mission. It should help me...I guess.

I was able to visit an old area today and my love for these people overflowed. I didn't realize how much I missed them. It will be hard to go. I felt a deep love for them, not just 'hey you are a cool guy' feeling. A feeling that wanted me to do anything I could to help them. There is one family in particular that tickles the tender cords of my heart. I only stayed for 5 weeks in that area but they have profoundly 'marked' me. I love them. I love them all. I'm glad I served a mission and I worked hard. I plan to keep working too. These people deserve it and so much more. It is good to look back and feel good about your work. Sometimes it is hard to notice because so many people are doing it around you. You forget about the billions who don't. It seems like you are just one more and so many more people are doing it better than you. These new kids are 2342 times better than I was when I got here. They are good and prepared. It is the Lord's work and it will only keep getting better and better.

7 May 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

For me it isn't scary leaving the mission. I know that I'm only supposed to be here for 2 years but it's scary what comes afterwards. Life hasn't even started yet, once I get back hope things are going to have eternal consequences. Everything before the mission was just preparing to go on a mission. No I actually have to put into practice that stuff I learned :)

People tell us a lot that we need to not go back into our old lives after the mission. Either I'm going to go crazy and not enjoy/do anything I did before the mission or I will be normal. I'm too hard on myself so I will probably go crazy :)

I don't know what life has for me. I never liked that fact. It is just much easier staying in the same place doing the same thing. Staying at home or just staying on the mission. You are use to it. I was telling my companion that you will always be a newbie in life. When you get on the mission people are like "Oh man the mission, you don't even know...someday". When you are finishing the mission; "Oh man going home, you don't even know...someday" When you get home "Oh man working and getting married, you don't even know...someday" and it just keeps going. I don't like being a newbie that doesn't know how to do stuff.

However, the mission is great. It is the greatest thing in the world. It has changed me soo much. Only the Lord really knows how much I have changed. I bore my last  Fast and testimony meeting testimony here in Brazil this past Sunday. I made it a goal awhile back to always share my testimony on fast sunday. This last sunday was by far the hardest. My heart was racing etc before I even went up. It wasn't nerves, I don't know what it was. It was hard though. This is all hard, but so worth it.

30 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

I was able to visit a family that I had baptized today. It was nice to see them with callings and loving the church. It gives me a sneak peak on how it will be like in 10 years when I see their kids marrying in the temple etc. It makes me happy. I didn't baptize millions of people but I love all of the people that the Lord helped me to baptize. They are special and they have taught me a lot of things. I have a great respect for converts. They grow so much in 2 weeks. It takes other people 18 years to find out that the Church they were born in is really true. These converts figured that out in 2 weeks and were baptized and go to church for the next 40 years.

4 more weeks. Times seems to be going slow. It seems like eternity until I go back home. That is perfect for me because it doesn't bother me. I don't think about home and stuff like that. Probably with a week left things will get more emotional, more real. I can't believe it is over already. I know that the Lord only needs me here for 2 years so I can't go too crazy about leaving.

30 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

I started Elder Bednar's challenge to read the Book of Mormon for 6 months with a special focus on the Atonement since I just finish reading it. Now that I know the importance of understanding the Atonement and knowing more about it, this reading should be all the more special. It is a hard subject that most people just ignore. They know it exists and that Jesus died for us and because of that we can live with him. Apparently, there is much more to it.

The time is running out. I don't know what to expect. I just keeping working blindly like I don't know I only have 4 weeks left. At this point it seems like a lot of time. Sadly, someday I will have to face the facts and I won't be able to ignore it. The mission has been good to me and it has changed my life. Only the Lord truly knows how much it has changed me life. It is by far the best thing to do as a young man age 19-26. Nothing will replace it and though it isn't mandatory, it will accelerate our spiritual growth. It will be sad not to hold the honor as a chosen representative of Jesus Christ. I ask you as my father, my Dad, Daddy, old man.... how do I leave it all behind? How do I leave these people? It is easy enough to leave the country but it will be hard to not think about it when I get home. Obviously I can think about it but I have to move on. What did you do? How do you not lose the language? I love it here. I was downtown the other day and I was just looking at the Cearanse people thinking: I may never see these people again. I was looking at them as children of God and not random people. I loved them and wanted to help them. It was easy for me to love this people. The Lord has blessed me so much through these people. I don't know why He sent me here, I haven't met anyone that was only able to be baptized by my ways etc. I only have faith in Him. I firmly believe that I am supposed to be here and that fact was established before this life. I have faith that I was supposed to serve here from 2010-2012. I love this work and I hope to bring many habits etc back home with me.

23 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

Last transfer news. Same companion, same area. We'll see how things go. We have had an alarming increase of spiders in the house due to the rain. It just keeps you on your toes though. It's good for you. Our bug zapper that looks like a tennis racket exploded when we plugged it in so we will be seeing an increase of disease-laden mosquitos. We found some mushrooms growing in the kitchen area. All in all the next 5 weeks have a bright future in store. If I don't catch some disease then I'm truly immune to everything.

16 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

I read that one talk that you were talking about. The one with the girl who didn't think that she was good enough and the guy drew the 2 lines. Brad Wilcox or someone like that gave the talk. You mentioned an interesting part but left out the rest of the mind blowing talk. So luckily I was able to read it's full content. I can't really remember exactly what it said, I just remember that it talks about how our purpose isn't to repay Jesus for all the things He did since He already paid the price. We are here to show Him how much we love Him and to prove  that we are willing to follow Him. Something like that.

Things here are good. I feel I am running out of patience a lot faster these days. Maybe it's because I'm nearing the end and Satan is trying to trip me up or maybe people are being more annoying :) I can notice a difference in these last days. Things are just harder. I'm feeling depressed about the language which never was a problem, about the ward members etc. I don't feel like they like me that much. Just a bunch of random stuff like that. I'm trying to do my best though, but not to repay Him but to show Him how much I love Him :)

9 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

It's funny that my mom tells me to just let marriage happen but the apostles tell me that my number one goal after the mission should be celestial marriage hmmm ;)

As all other holidays here in Brazil, lots of people were drunk for easter. Although, it is a little different on Easter. For some reason wine is the drink of choice during these holiday times. They have a ton of Jesus plays about His death etc. The Church actually did one too. Well members of the church slapped the church logo on it, so I assume they had permission. We took some investigators to go watch it. It was ok, I wasn't too amazed. :) I'm just hard to please sometimes :)

[While I was sitting in the office two bunnies started playing in the front yard. Buttons came to watch at the open window. One of the bunnies hopped right by the window, up by the house, and the next thing you know Buttons is through the screen.] I don't know about this cat, it seems kind of retarded :) Are you sure it isn't a dog that looks like a cat? He could have caught you a delicious bunny and you could have eaten some bunny stew. Yum!!

I don't know where I will live. I don't have any desire to live outside of Texas because everywhere else is cold. It won't be all my decision anyways :) I didn't love Texas soo much until I left for school and came on the mission too. Everyone hates on Texas so you just naturally have to love it and defend the Holy Land.

The work rolls forth and things are going well. I'm trying to be the best I can and learn as much as I can before I get home and have to deal with life. It still hasn't hit me that much that I am leaving soon. Someday it probably will.

9 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

[Uncle Carl is my closest tie to apostles as well, although I was part of stake conference with Elder Christofferson a year or two before he became an apostle. When they were announcing a new apostle a few years ago, his name is the first that came to my mind before they said it. It was kind of cool. Hey, now I can add that my son had a companion who used to ski with Elder Nelson's grandson!] We know that Neil L. Anderson is definitely a BYU fan from his comment a few conferences ago when BYU was doing well in basketball. I'm still waiting for the "Fort Worth area cool kids'' choir/sit with the Apostles if you can't sing well group. They didn't form this group while I was gone so I still have a chance. I remember that Elder Christofferson and Anderson were both in the Pres. of the Seventy in our area before they were called as Apostles. At least that is what I remember. Yeah me and Elder Nelson are pretty much best buds now. [Well, actually Grandma and Grandpa grew up with President Benson and also lived in the same ward back east and did things (if I remember right) with Elder and Sister Maxwell.] They did things? They probably went squirrel hunting with Grandpa.

[Your description of snowmobiling was quite eloquent. Of course a true Utahn/Idahoan would do it in camo while holding a loaded rifle and a Mountain Dew.] This is true about the loaded rifle with Mountain Dew. You never know when a wild caribou might stroll across the road and past the barrow pit (only Idahoans know what that is ....if that is how you spell it....that is how they say it at least) and into the snowmobile trail. You get some meat and a nice cold Mountain Dew in the process. I bet you Grandpa used to do that all the time.

[I watched a video today on BYUtv that followed two brothers over 5000 days.] Over 5000 days? That is like 13 years. Who would waste their time follow two kids for 13 years. They must have had an interesting life. That would have been cool if they followed me, Michael, and Sean for 13 years. We would have some classic footage. Some PG parts for violence and beat downs ;)

[...they interviewed the older of the two while he was on his mission in Chile.] Chile? That's a good place, they save miners from certain death so they must be receptive to the gospel. Well good ole Semana Santa has come and by here in Fortaleza. The rambling wine bibbers will have to wait another year to bother the missionaries. There were a few Catholic parades with some guy carrying a cross through the streets. If he really appreciated Jesus and His sacrifice, I doubt he would parade through the streets pretending to be like Him :) That reminds me of a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland....as I am typing there currently is a wine bibber screaming. He is half drunk lying on the ground outside of the Lan house....so back to the talk. He said that people shouldn't say that they are passing through their own little Gethsemane (that is how you spell it in english right). He said we have come nowhere close to be able to say that and it mocks Jesus' sacrifice when we try to lessen it to our human durability. Something like that...probably. However, Easter is good. The Church put on a play too and toured all of Fortaleza. It was cool and we were able to take some investigators to watch it. We also got to help a random guy that almost passed out due to low blood sugar. While helping, I met a guy from another area I passed through so it was a night full of drama, action, and blasts from the past.

2 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

[I liked Holland's Saturday morning talk, and also Elder Nelson's talk Sunday afternoon. I can't remember who said it, but there were a few sentences spoken about boys remaining bachelors, a little more strongly this time. Interesting.] Holland had a good talk, he has always been my favorite :) I remember that part too, guess I have to find me a super hot wife and get married. ;) Technology is good because we got to watch it on the computer too, in english in a nice air conditioned room in a wheel chair. Wheel chairs are nice and comfortable when watching conference. 

[I joined the choir for Easter.] I have been practicing my musical talent as well. My companion bought a keyboard so I have been messing around with it. I learned how to play a few random things. I don't really have any desire to learn the piano so... but it is fun to play it and learn some random stuff.  I learned the Battle Hymn of the Republic too :)

Conference talked a lot about families and teaching our children, well that is what I got out of it. When I was a kid I always wondered how people knew how to raise kids. Now I know we just have to follow the prophets :) This conference I fasted and had a few questions in my heart as I listened to the talks and not surprisingly I got answers. :) The Spirit is a wonderful thing, I also saw Elder David Archuleta singing in the MTC choir. I'm sure Lauren will be excited to know that he is serving a mission :)

[We are having the kitchen redone.] That is cool that things are changing at home and stuff like that. It would be nice for me to get home to a new spiffy kitchen :) It looks like you guys are going to hunker down in the house with all this renovation. I'm jealous, I wish I could live in Fort Worth for the rest of my days, but I couldn't live that close to my parents ;)

2 Apr 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

I wasn't able to see the priesthood session. They tape it and show it Sunday morning at 8 o´clock but we were looking for investigators to go to the conference sessions. We walked a lot and it rained a ton then the blazing sun came out to dry us off and soak us with sweat once again. For all of that hard work a total of 0 people came too :) Good ole missionary work. I'm one in 55,000 though so I'm not alone.

[Did you notice Ryan in the priesthood session choir?] I didn't see Ryan but I saw David Archuleta in the Saturday sessions. I think he is in the last song of the afternoon session. They show him at the very end of the song. That is weird that he is serving a mission :) What group sang in the priesthood session? The Utah kids get all of the luck. The only time that I went to watch conference and see the prophets, they made us go into a secret overflow area in the conference center....The Utah kids get to see the Apostles all the time ;) My old companion use to ski with Russell M Nelson's grandson and talk to him on the slopes. My closest tie to the Apostles is Uncle Carl ;)

[Lauren's been enjoying the life of a carefree college student again (OK, college life is carefree only in certain respects, but in a lot more ways than post college life is). She went wakeboarding in Arizona with her roommate this week.] That would be nice to be able to touch the water again :) I don't know if my first choice would be slamming face-first into the water at 30 mph but it would be fun I suppose. I prefer tubing instead of strapping wood and other blunt, heavy objects to your feet as you speed across the water. I did go snowmobiling a few times which isn't the best thing to do when you are from Texas. You are able to go faster on ice or snow with the same inability to stop the gasoline-filled vehicle you are sitting on top of. Only Utah and Idaho folk would find joy in that :)

My college days were pretty carefree..... I always did my homework before I went to Vegas!

Conference was good. As a missionary I have learned to love it. I just need to learn how to do everything that they tell me to do. I know for sure that the prophets are men of God. I have prayed and the Lord has revealed it unto me! We must follow them and they tell us all that we need. The Spirit will guide us to the tidbits of their talks that pertain to us. They talked a lot about "raising our children" but I don't have any kids yet! Does that mean I can sleep until they talk about how to find smoking hot babes after the mission? No! The spirit guides us to what we need and we are able to discern the gems that the Lord wants us to know in ALL of the talks.

26 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

The weather is nice here too. It rains in the morning usually. I get chilly :) I have turned into a wimp when it comes to the cold. Well I always have been. Anything below 80 is cold for me. I going to have to live in TEXAS forever!!! Yee haw Texas. I love it there :)

If you want terra cota roofing I have done a bit of that while I've been here :)

Here they usually have fast and testimony meeting a week after conference which makes no sense to me but what can I do? :) I have made it a goal to share my testimony every single fast and testimony meeting while I have been on the mission. So far I have missed one or two because a lot of people went up and stuff. It is good to share your testimony, and it's fun to do it in another language :) I have been thinking about my talk when I get back. I'm just going to cry the whole time :) Sigh.... I have so much I want to learn, Portuguese, etc., but time is running out and it is back to normal life. :)

26 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

I didn't even look at the details in the flight plans. I didn't know that I had a 6 hour layover. It will be a good time to preach in the airport or something ;) Maybe they will have a taco bell or something cool like that in the airport. Those are all hopeless dreams though because the São Paulo airport isn't that big. They actually have an international airport here in Fortaleza but I guess it is cheaper to get a connecting flight to São Paulo then Dallas. Who knows, the church lady bought the tickets. She isn't the one that will have to wait for 6 hours. I couldn't find a sweet machete so it looks like the mission tradition is done for. I went on a shopping spree today, kind of. I think I got everything. There isn't that much stuff here.

[... God does not judge us by our talents or achievements. He doesn't compare us to anyone else. In fact, it makes absolutely no difference how we compare to anyone. Nobody can "earn" their way to exaltation. Only the Lord can bring us to exaltation, only through the infinite atonement can we be made perfect in Christ.] Satan wants us to think we aren't good enough to gain salvation. No matter what we do, it will never be enough. Curse you Satan. I see that a lot here in the world. People just don't care. They just want to have fun and die. They think whatever church will save them or memorizing prayers will be enough for salvation. These poor souls. The more you understand the gospel and the eternal punishment for those that deny Christ, the more you want to help the people. You just look around at the people. You feel a godly sorrow for the people that you teach and call you crazy because we have another 'Bible'. Mormon (or is it Moroni?) and Nephi will be at the judgement bar testifying about the truthfulness of the gospel and it will be a sad day. We had a girl this week that told us she felt bad for being baptized and she wanted to take that decision back. She was being childish and joking and lying and just saying dumb stuff. She is like 17 years old. She told us to rip up her baptismal record. It was just a sad message and I just walked away thinking "Forgive her for she knows not what she does." The answer and help is there, it is on this earth again. People just don't look for it. We hide it from them sometimes as members.

19 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

[Mom wrote some quotes she found about missionary work, one of which was this: "Was looking for some inspiring missionary tale and found this quote: Lady missionaries seem to be more tolerant and understanding than the elders. A lady missionary also seems to have far less of a challenge in getting motivated and putting in hours that are dedicated to the Lord."] Those are lies about sister missionaries :)

[Quentin L. Cook on becoming effective missionaries: "First, be a missionary all your life. Second, overcome feelings of hesitancy or inadequacy. Third, do not be discouraged because missionary work is hard. Elder Jeffrey Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in speaking about how hard missionary work is and has been, said: 'I am convinced that missionary work is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy.' Fourth, be a good example and take every opportunity to share the gospel."] I have heard the 3rd quote before. It is part of the greatest talks of all time! I haven't been able to find it on audio or anything but oh well.

Time seems to be crawling by which is a good thing I guess. I told the Lord that these last 11 weeks would be my best and I would keep going and He could let Satan do his thing. It seems like he has done just that. This was a hard week. My brain got wasted a few days and my body was killing me in all sorts of ways for the 1st few days. I had no desire at all for the 1st part of the week. My companion was getting on my nerves too :) I had no confidence in my Portuguese at all. Basically I felt like I had 2 months on the mission again. I kept going though and things got better. It is a lot better now. I just want to finish strong and be an example to the newer people that are around me. Most people just assume that a missionary is dead when he has 3 months left. So I just have to prove them wrong. Things are not easier and I guess I will get a lot more blessings because of that. I'm glad that I'm serving. I'm often surprised that I was able to do it since I have never done anything in my life. I always gave up. I have so much to learn still.

19 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

I forwarded my itinerary to you just so you can plan the party details ;)

[Lauren is taking an ice hockey class.] That is intense playing hockey on ice. I guess it is the same as rollerblades. Skates just have a sharp razor on the bottom to discourage falling and kicking.

Yeah Bom Jardim, the house is nice so that is good. It happens to be one of the most dangerous places here in Fortaleza and I've heard a lot about it. So that's a good last area to serve in right? ;) It won't be anything new, I'm fond of the ghettos. Nothing cool to report on this week so we'll just keep our fingers crossed. I doubt the other missionaries will be saying that but we'll see. I'm still chugging along like a freight train. I had a hard week but things got better. I don't know if my shirts will make it until the end. They are like paper. I ripped my sheets in half because they were so old and fragile. It turned over and my knee got caught in the fabric and just ripped it. Oops. Things are good and the Lord will bless me until the bitter end. I will need more help after the mission though :) This area we are able to find a lot of people and teach a lot of people too. It is good to have something to do all day. It hasn't rained hardly at all this year, so it is nice and toasty still. I don't know if I will be losing any weight here though since our house is full of people that love to cook.

12 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Mom)

Well transfers. It looks like I will end my mission in Bom Jardim. With just 11 weeks left, things are looking good. I'm going to punch Satan extra hard in the face for these last 11 weeks. My new companion is Elder Sampaio, one more Brazilian. It'll be good to perfect my portuguese. He is the brother of an Elder that I lived with a way long time ago. So that is cool. We live with 2 other missionaries. I don't really know them and they are newbies :) I feel like an old man that nobody cares about these days. I don't know any of these new missionaries.

Yay they don't have daylight savings here so I never have to lose an hour of sleep! I would like the extra hour of sleep though. My body is TIRED. 2 years of a mission does a lot to your body. I have been trying to work out but I'm lazy. I plan on starting up at home.....maybe :) I haven't gotten fat and in fact I haven't gained any weight. I'll probably have cancer and diabetes and rotten teeth when I get back home though.

I'm tired and sometimes I don't have a huge desire to leave the house. I know I have to and the Lord will bless me. I'm just trying to forget myself and turn my life over to God. I just do what I'm supposed to do and pray and keep the commandments and follow the Spirit. To me that is giving up your life over to the Lord. Stop worrying, do what we know is right, and live so that the Lord can speak with us at any time.

I love it here. I can't wait to get back home. :)

12 Mar 2012 - Bom Jardin Area (Dad)

[Yum, chicken liver. I actually like liver.] Ewww liver. I have had chicken liver and cow liver. They tricked me with the cow liver though. They made it look just like steak and called it liver in Portuguese instead of english ;) This was back in the day so I didn't know. I just thought it was nasty horse meat or something.

[I can't remember if I told you that your sister is taking a hockey class this semester.] Hockey class? I use to play street hockey in front of our house. Does she play on ice? I was thinking about walking on the BYU football team....haha just kidding. Maybe I could do it and they would make a movie called Jeffrey after I play for one down like Rudy. :) Maybe I'll just join a intramural football team if I can find any friends. I have been doing my pushups and stuff. Trying at least. I won't come back too morbidly obese. Just the beginning stages :) Stock the fridge with donuts and pork rinds.

I'm trying to do all the good that I can. Missionary work changes lives. It changes me and it changes my family and it changes the people that I teach. I'm glad that I went and I can see the Lord preparing me and I see His hand in the timing that I left too. Not many young men, maybe none, truly understand the importance of a mission until they go on it. I feel proud to be counted among the 54ish thousands that are out. Soon I will be just another statistic :) Sometimes I just stare at my name tag and wonder what it will be like when I have to take it off. I always imagine Elder Hawkes in the New England area and my pops Elder Hawkes in Costa Rica, and surrounding "neigborhoods". That skinny white Elder Hawkes in Thailand. I'm proud that they are my family and that I carry the same 2 names on my nametag. They were much better than I am but I can only imagine the great amount of success that you had in the Costa Rica San Jose mission. You don't talk about it much because you are humble and I know it meant the world to you. I got that without you having to tell me millions of mission stories. :) I'm thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ and His holy name. He makes my mission worth everything. It would be useless to teach of Him if He never died and paid for our sins.

5 Mar 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

I don't think about going home much. It is still far away. Sometimes I get frustrated here in the area since it is hard to do anything. We end up walking around a lot. That is the mission for you though. I'm just hoping and trying to do what God wants me to do. I don't have a magical Liahona that tells me what I need to do at all times, so it is more difficult. When I first got on the mission as a 19 year old it wasn't that scary. You just kind of go along with it. There is a lot of stuff that goes over your head. You just want to be that awesome missionary though.

Sometimes I get excited to go home and put into practice all the stuff to learn. To have a cute little kid on my knee. Then, sometimes I don't :) I don't have to worry much about the whole marriage thing because I never had girls all over me. I hope I grow a lot more. I'm trying to do everything right. They are changing a lot of stuff here which is harder for the oldies, but I'm trying to gimp along. I'm happy though and still have tons of time.

I'll be calling home two weeks before I get home :) The official date is May 29th since Elder Howland called and said he bought the tickets.

5 Mar 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

I was going to go downtown today, but it didn't work out. I'll just have to go another time. I need to pick up a sweet machete to keep the family knife buying tradition alive. I just don't know where I am going to find that kind of stuff.

[I have a goal to read the Book of Mormon in Spanish this year.] I think I will study my scriptures in Portuguese after the mission. I might get lazy though and switch to english :) I have a lot to learn in these next 3 months about Portuguese. I love learning the language but I am never good enough at it!

I was talking to some missionary that has relatives in Preston, the Peterburgs or something like that. I told him to ask his relatives about the Swainstons and the few Hawkes that live there. Uncle Carl looks as healthy as....something really healthy. Hopefully they are all doing well.

[A prescription I was taking has caused me to lose my sense of taste.] I'll try to enjoy my sense of taste more fully by eating lots of beans and stuff. Sometimes it would be good if I could lose it just for a bit, like when I have to eat chicken liver...

Things here are dandy. Not easy, just dandy. The Lord knows what He is doing and I'm trying not to kick against the pricks. I'm just letting him 'beat' me down the right paths like the stubborn mule that I am. I'm grateful to be here and I'm grateful that the Lord needs me. I don't know if I've done all that I was supposed to do. I'm happy though, and I feel like I have done my small part. I haven't been perfect but I've changed when I've realized I was wrong and did the best with my minimal knowledge. I just need to finish. The Lord is our Savior and He loves us. He loves me and I know because I have knelt down and I have prayed in anguish. I have felt His loving embrace surround me. I know He lives.

27 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

[I had heard that the Fortaleza Mission was one of the baptizing-est missions in the Church.] Fortaleza is one the most baptizing-est missions in the the church, and sometimes the most. I have been in the most baptizing zone in the world. ;) I baptize, just don't tell you every week when I baptize. It's my little secret. :) It is definitely a lot easier here than many other missions. I haven't knocked doors for months on end. Here success comes from members and stuff like that. You don't have to knock doors to scrape for people. Missionaries do it, but they "waste" time that they could be using to do more productive things. Some of the best missionaries here have never knocked doors.They just know perfectly how to use the members and stuff. I don't know what I would do if I had to knock doors and stuff like they do in America. I spent the early part of my mission doing that.

Be grateful of your Elders Quorum and home teachers. :) Home teaching is non-existent here in Ceará. Sometimes they don't even have duplos set up. If they do, nobody does it. I guess it's because everyone thinks that is my job. The mission changes you a lot. I am kind of excited to go home and do home teaching :) It will bring back the good old days.

I learned a lot about teaching and helping people when Elder Bednar came. People just don't get home teaching, temple attendance etc. We can't just teach them what is important. We have to teach them to go and act and use faith. Nothing we will teach them will stick. If we teach them to go and try it out, go and pray, go and do their part then they will receive from God and that will stick forever. It is a more difficult way of teaching since you don't just throw information at them. He also said we cripple people, parents cripple their children by giving them all the answers. He talked to us about learning by faith aka by acting and doing.

I have learned a lot. Maybe too much for my little brain. But, for once in my life, I desire to study, to pray, to go to church, to get better etc. I don't just know, but I actually love it and I want to do it. I knew before the mission, but it was just a knowledge. I love you mom, I love the gospel, I am so very thankful for the gift of repentance and the chance to change.

27 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

Carnaval distractions are gone for now. Although Carnaval isn't much different than every weekend. I didn't see anyone flocking to church though, so maybe next week the will take up from their drunken stupor and realize their wrong doings. Phooey I keep on thinking of things to write in English and realize I don't know how to spell them or how to intelligently communicate them. I can hardly speak English with my companion and I'm always saying stuff wrong. Whenever I see an unfamiliar word, I try to pronounce it in Portuguese. I was reading Jesus the Christ in english and there was some random word and I just said it how a Brazilian would....oops.

We had a cool adventure Sunday morning. We have a sewage man hole in our "backyard" and then another hole inside of our house to check/clean the pipes I guess. It rained elephants and wildebeasts (instead of cats and dogs) Saturday night/Sunday morning. So unfortunately the sewage pipes overflowed and flooded our house. I woke up at 1:30 AM and it smelled terrible! Our house was smelling so I just ignored it. Then I pulled my blanket off the floor and a corner of it was wet. Then I got up and realized our whole house was flooded with half an inch of sewage water. Yay hepatitis! So I grabbed everyone's stuff off the ground and put it somewhere, took a few pictures and went to sleep. It wasn't brown, poopy sewage water because it was mixed with rain water and it was bubbling out of the man hole. So don't imagine some disgusting sludge :) We spent about 5 hours cleaning our house on Sunday too, and my old janitor body is hurting. My bags didn't get wet due to faulty Brazilian construction and unlevel floors. So who knows how this whole disease thing is going to go down. There are some unwashable things (aka scriptures, planner etc) that will be tainted forever.

20 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

I have decided long ago that I will live in Texas. Now I just have to find work and a wife that doesn't care.

 

Since Friday the dreaded Carnaval has been going on. It is just immorality and crazy, drunk people. It ends on Tuesday, so we don't have much success until then. We had about 30 people at church too. Just half naked women dancing in glittery clothes. That kind of stuff doesn't happen around here luckily. Carnaval is big in Recife, Salvador, and Rio de Janeiro. Here it is mostly drunk peope throwing eggs and flour at each other.

 

Elder Howland called me and told me that he got an email from you. He was my companion before my companion now. I'll leave May 28th and get home the 29th. Did Michael stay longer? I won't be able to stay longer because of the visa. It expires on June 16th which would be like 2 weeks into the transfer of 6 weeks. So even if I wanted to I couldn't.

20 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

[Did you know that sugar cane is actually the biggest world crop by weight (according to Guns, Germs, and Steel). So Brazil still has hope as long as they focus on gasohol and sugar instead of drinking alcohol.] They do have a lot of gasohol here. It is weird because the car exhaust smells like the drunk people. Before the mission I was oblivious to drunk people/booze smell. Now I can smell it a mile away. It is like a red flag when some guy comes up and talks to you.

 

[Thanks for the photos. Well, maybe not the one of the bathroom. That one was from an old abandoned shack, right?] That bathroom was our nice outside, poolside bathroom. We probably shouldn't have used it because when you flushed the toilet all of the stuff just went down a 'canal' and stayed under the concrete floor. It didn't really go anywhere. The worst part is the concrete floor had a hole in it so you could see/smell it all. Yay!

 

Carnaval is Friday to Tuesday so our work has slowed down considerably. Nobody wants to talk to us, everyone is drunk, everyone is travelling, scantily clad women are everywhere, kids are throwing eggs and flour at each other. The other day we were talking down the street and two gangs of punks with eggs started charging and screaming and I thought they were going to pummel us but they just threw eggs at each other. We were just chilling walking by on the curb. Luckily, there were no casualties from the cross fire. The place just seems to go into party/club mode. Last year my area was just dead, everybody just travelled and it was all calm and pleasant. Fortaleza is one of the boring places to do Carnaval too. I can only imagine what it is like in Salvador, Recife or Rio de Janeiro. We had about 30 people at church, but we had 2 investigators!

 

[I related a story from a book I'm reading that told of a woman changing from being an extremely rough and abrasive individual at the time of her conversion to a quite different character years later when she went to the temple.] That is a good story. You see that a lot here. "Crazy" people that have a hard time leaving [specific denomination] blasphemies behind etc. They slowly change and stuff like that but in the mean time you see some crazy stuff. They have a lot of good, faithful people here though. It always amazes me and it probably always will. Converts just change so much faster than us people born in the church. Most youth don't do anything until some trial at 16 or 17 and then they receive an answer. These converts hit the ground running and are firm from day one. They don't have all the things we have in the US and still keep trucking. The Gospel really does change people and changes them fast depending on their desire. It is a perfect Gospel that is meant for billions of different people; Only God could make an eternal plan that can meet the ever-changing world and it inhabitants!

13 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

The week was the same old same old. Nothing has really changed. Satan is going to town right now. The ward is growing though, but not with new members so that is good. They have reactivated a few people. We had a kid finally go to church that has been promising for awhile. He is 18 and already baptised but we were trying to get him active so he could go on a mission. Elder Evans told us that baptisms and reactivations are the same in God's eyes so that gives me hope :) We have 3 kids going off to missions right now. One already left and one is leaving this week and then the Sister is leaving March 1st. It is weird to see people leaving on missions. It reminds me of me back in the day. They have no idea what is going to happen... ;)

 

{Mom had a busy week spearheading providing food for the stake Valentine's Day dance again.] Didn't they use to cater these dances? That is what they should do from now on. Get 14 lbs of fried chicken and mashed taters. You should make is a pot luck Valentines Day! Happy Valentines Day by the way, I love you! Valentines day here in Brazil is July I think.

13 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

[I mentioned that the BYU basketball team was 17 out of 101 on three-pointers up until last week.] Wow 17 out of 101? I'm pretty sure an armless beaver could shoot better than that. I might have to try out for the team when I get back home. I just have to shoot 20% and I'll be a champion :) Well and grow another 5 inches to be able to shoot over a chair. 

 

[Only one missionary from Texas? Well, I know that that one missionary (Jeffrey) can match any ten missionaries from anywhere else, so that should be enough state representation.] Well obviously because he can stand the heat and doesn't sweat buckets here like the Utahrns. There are 2 others that live in Texas and they have both been my companions. But Texas being so big one lives in Houston and the other Corpus Christi. So that is a good 8 hour drive to Corpus.

 

[I'm assuming you documented the toenail removal incident and gut barfing and we'll get photos soon. Speaking of which ... how about some photos? Not of that stuff, but of something more appealing.] I didn't take pictures of me barfing because it was at 3:30 AM. I have lost all appetite for meat on a stick though, which is sad. Who knows, maybe I got some worms too so I can come back nice and slim. I have a few pictures of the toenail/ pre-surgery but I haven't uploaded my pictures yet. I'll send a few random ones. [See below.] The fruit is called jaca. It probably weighed about 20 pounds and it was nasty as usual. I can't remember all that I put in....Oh yeah the bathroom in the old house, pretty isn't it? A baby scorpion that we found at home, one of them at least. Some cows battling. Clearly not domesticated enough. I had the urge to jump on one and break it but I forgot my boots at home. The other one is Christmas at the aparment.

 

[There was some snow on the ground when I took the trash out tonight. The past two days have been frigid. Well, they feel frigid, although it would be a warm spell to a BYU-Idahoan.] Yeah right..I never became a BYU-Idahoan. I love the heat and humidity and anything not cold. That is why I will live in Texas forever. Probably down south more because apparently Fort Worth has turned into Canada.

 

[I attended a Worldwide Leadership Training broadcast yesterday. One of the notes I jotted down was this: one of the greatest feelings is to know that God has sent you to bless the life of an individual. I'm certain that God has sent you to bless the lives of many specific individuals.] I don't know if I have found someone that was specifically waiting for me, well I should say that has never been 100% obvious. I guess most of the people that I baptized were in a sense waiting for me. It is probably too early to tell how much I have affected the people here. I just hope I've managed to do something for the last 20 months. I haven't been perfect or the best missionary, but hopefully God will accept what I have done. I don't know exactly how merciful the Lord is, but I know that if we do our best He will  forgive us for the faults we have. I have a lot of faults and it seems a long, nearly impossible road to become a better Elder Hawkes because I'm so dumb sometimes :) I'm excited for life though. You learn so much on the mission and you just want to try it out. The mission is the best thing in my life and I will cherish it for the rest of my life. I love it. It has changed me so much. Nobody on this earth really knows how much it has changed me. Why would anyone not want this? I have never, on the mission, desired to go home or give up etc. It is the best place, God has specifically chosen it for me. I thank Him all of my days.

6 Feb 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

The Americans in this mission are 55% from Utah, 20% from California 20% from Washington. The other 5% is random and only 1 person from Texas...yay. We got a missionary from Cape Verde and Bolivia this last transfer so that is cool.

Well if I count the transfers I can find out more or less when I will come home. It will be the last Monday in May or the 1st in July [I'm thinking that is June in the northern hemisphere.]. That is about as specific as I can get. They buy the plane tickets 3 months in advance so they will know soon. [I mentioned Michael asked me on the phone last week what time Jeffrey would be coming home so he could figure out if the would be awake then .] Tell Michael he can't sleep until then just to be sure that he doesn't miss it.

[Your robbery episodes are entertaining in a sense, but they are starting to pile up. Can you ask the loot-crazed citizens of Fortaleza to go pick on someone who actually has something worth taking? Like maybe Bill Gates or a soccer star?] Well when Bill Gates stops by I will direct the loot-crazed citizens to his security escort. Unfortunately, Ceará is not known for its soccer skill so their soccer teams aren't very good so there is no chance of finding a soccer star. Maybe I can convince them to rob the bar owners, they seem to be rich and famous.

Well Elder Dean got his toenail ripped out this Friday so we weren't able to work this weekend and I was barfing my guts out Sunday morning. So that is the colorful, wonderful news for you all. Hopefully this week we can manage to have some health and do some work!

30 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

I was writing a juicy email last time but my time ran out and instead of telling me the LAN house guy just shut off my computer. So it saved some of it, but it didn't have half of it. I was finishing with a nice testimony but obviously you aren't ready for it :-)

Well the work has picked up. The Lord blessed us with some great miracles. We got a baptism this week and an elect that we have been teaching decided he was going to give up work and go to church instead. He is an old guy and he only works on the weekends so he is basically retiring. He makes me happy. He is an old guy that isn't blinded by the Catholic lies. He was high up in the Baptist church but saw all of the apostasy with tithing etc. and left the church. He is awesome. He was always working though but the Lord gave him a stern slap in the face.

Transfers happened and I am staying here with Elder Dean... yay? Just kidding :-) It will be more hard work and I will probably go crazy but whatever. I have been kicked back down to regular Elder again. :-) It bruises my manly pride but I know God knows more than I do. It doesn't really bother me that much. It is a lot easier to have no responsibilities! I have some more great news. We got robbed again! yay! This time a random guy was walking up close behind Elder Dean and I felt that he was going to try and rob us. Just like I felt the last time. Sure enough he tried to grab Elder Dean's watch and run but that failed miserably. He almost fell will trying to do it. Then he told him to take the watch off. It was a R$ 10 watch from the fair so he just gave it to him. Then he started pushing us away so we would leave. He wasn't armed or anything, he probably needed the watch more than us. It was more annoying than anything. Maybe in 2 years I can change/forget the details and make it a cooler story.

Well that's all that happened this week. We got to drink some white guava juice which was weird since it is usually pink. It is starting to rain :-) No more baby scorpions in the house so that is good.

30 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

[Jeffrey sent the following email fragment he rescued from the previous week's aborted email session.] [(Dad) I pray every day that more immediate success will come, but that's in the hands of the people you teach and the Lord. He never usurps agency, but he also never fails to recognize diligent and humble efforts.] That is what they all tell me, but someone has to use their agency to accept the gospel don't they? The part that is hardest for me is that we are finding miracles but they still don't progress. We found a family that has been fasting and praying to find a new church, people that stopped us on the street and told us to come and teach them. These sorts of people are usually the prepared elect of God. So I feel a little weak and unrighteous when I can't even get these people to go to church. So that is why it is hard. No matter what we do, nothing happens. I trust in the Lord, I know that I am doing His work. There is a fine line between doing all you can do and having no success or doing not enough and that is why you don't have success. How can I tell which side of the line I'm on? I'm not perfect.

I wrote some other stuff but it looks like only this part was automatically saved as a draft. It was probably just more complaining :-)

23 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area

[No email this week, so we're assuming a transfer or big meeting happened or the Internet crashed in Brazil. Sure do miss hearing from Jeffrey. :-( ]

16 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

The police strike is over. Deep back in my gut I was hoping for a 2 week riot just to have a cool story. That probably wouldn't have gone over well though.

[I shared an experience of rejection in Nicaragua with Jeffrey.] I remember that story, you had told me earlier on my mission. I was thinking about 'The Other Side of Heaven' and my mission has got nothing like that. How are they going to make a movie out of my mission? I have set a new goal too: I'm going to write in my journal everyday. I usually write in it every 2-3 days. The main reason I'm doing it is so that the producers have an easier time making my movie :) It will probably help me with other things too.

I hate to admit it, but my current area is tougher than pork chops cooked in a microwave. Sometimes I just have no idea what to do. I go and do and it fails miserably. There are probably silver linings that I am missing. I am really hard on myself and I always think it is our fault. I'm not perfect so there is something I should be doing better. I don't know. I'm trying to go and do what I need to do. Sometimes I feel all is lost, but I bounce back.

9 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

[I was asked to do the Stake Valentines dance refreshments again.] I remember doing stuff for the Valentines Dance before I left. Like anyone goes to a dance to eat food anyways. They are all old and married. They go to just show off and make out :) It is the kids dances that need food because that is what makes them worth it. Just throw some beanie weenies and some chips and that will make all the old people happy. That would make me happy at least....

It must be nice to have good people in callings and the ability to solve problems. Here some of the leaders are inactive and any meeting (like Ward Council) takes about 3 hours and the people just end up attacking me for some reason. Then nothing happens. Some wards do it better than other wards. It will be nice to go back to America and not have to deal with ward members anymore ;)

This week was another hard week. I have been noticing that I haven't been happy during the week. I'm always worried and wishing things were going better. I guess I judge myself too much. It's hard. We had some investigators at church which is a miracle. I'm trying to stop the worrying and trust in God more but that is hard. :)

9 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

Well I figured out why we got robbed on Sunday. Apparently there was a Police strike so there was no Police on the street from Dec 31- Jan 3. I feel free to tell this to you now since it has already passed. So there is no need to worry. As you can imagine it was CRAZY here. It is crazy with the police. It was kind of like serving in the middle of Somalia. Everything was closed and widespread robbing happened at the strip malls and stuff like that. Kids were just walking down the street with guns. It was kind of intense. Our neighborhood that we live in was less intense. Our work area though was kind of dangerous. Downtown was ransacked. This is what people tell me so I don't know how true it is. It'll be a good story to tell my kids. We all had to be home by 6 PM.

I was thinking about running more when I get back home. I'm still just on the thinking stage of course. It is good to know that we still have the treadmill. Maybe I'll run outside to keep my tan. I can't wait to get back and work out in the gym though ;) It is a lot easier to work out when you don't have to walk around all day.

So we were teaching this nice old lady these past few weeks. The kind of old lady with no teeth that is always smacking her lips. She was a great lady and she loved us and loved our message. She accepted everything that we taught her. She went to church and everything. Then one day we taught here this week and she did a complete 180. She didn't want to talk to us anymore and didn't want to be baptized. I was sad. She was talking to us and telling all kinds of apostasy and lies so that we would go away. I honestly cried about 3 times during the lesson. It was really sad. I felt anguish for her soul and her hard heart like it says Alma & Nephi etc. felt for their people. I can't say I have felt anguish for everybody's soul that I teach, but I felt it this time. I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father feels every day when he sees his poor children doing wrong things. I knew what she was doing and I knew that it was the wrong path. We tried to help her but she just kept resisting and wouldn't listen. We tried but I didn't know what to do and I felt even worse. I imagine it is the same with parents. I love these people and the people of this area aren't being nice to me :) It is hard for me to work every week and have nobody come to church. That is the key but nobody wants it! It makes me want to be better though so that Heavenly Father doesn't have to feel that sadness when he sees me. I think we should all work harder so that nobody feels that sadness because of us. I hate feeling that sadness. I'm sure my parents do too and so does Heavenly Father.

I know that He loves us more than anything. We must do what He tells us to or else we can go nowhere! He knows what is best for us and He knows what will destroy us! It aches my heart when I see people openly denying Him. I have a lot to do to be one of His perfectly righteous sons, but I know that I can achieve that. He will help me and that is His main goal. So why not make it our main goal too?

2 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Mom)

So people are telling me that you went paintballing and others are saying that you went laser tagging, so I'm just going to assume you shot people. That is good that you are enjoying it. I have been working out here, but it not easy and sometimes I just don't feel like it. We went running in the morning the other day so that was cool. I do my usual pushups and pullups. Hopefully when I get back home I can get on a better routine. I too struggle with the task of eating right. It's not my fault all of the good food in this world is greasy and heart attack causing. I'm a southern boy, it's no fair.

I have been working hard, knowing that my time is ending. It's good to train at the end because you work harder and your companion always has that fire. I'm trying to do all that I can and I think I am giving my best effort. I'm happy and we are teaching great people. One thing that I'm trying to work on is prayer because it has never been a strong point and it is sometimes hard for me. I figure it will help me a lot after the mission too :) Just trying to do what I can. I love you!

2 Jan 2012 - Palmeiras Area (Dad)

It is going well. We have found a lot of great people this past week. New Years was a bummer but things should start picking up again. We have awesome people, so we are thinking about them a lot and how we can help them. We are praying and trying to do everything possible to have success with these people. I want it to be their fault if they don't get baptized, not my lack of skills/faith/teaching/etc. So we are trying to be perfect so that the Lord can use us and so that the people can be convinced as it says in the Book of Mormon to believe our words. We all know that the Holy Ghost is the one that 'convinces'. I have some more good news. I can held up again! Yay robbery! They didn't take anything this time but I got a few chuckles because my companion had no idea what was going on. The guy told us to stop or he would shoot. Everyone and their brother has a gun here apparently. Then he just shoved his hands into my companion's pockets. We didn't have anything though, we were coming home from Sunday lunch. Well I did have my camera in my bag but he didn't take my bag luckily :) The only two times I walk around with my camera I get held up....at least he didn't take it this time. Then he apologized and I told him no problem and said thanks and gave him a thumbs up and we walked away. I think I am getting the hang to this whole robbery thing. I'm just going to print off pass along cards saying "I don't have anything, please don't kill me, don't take our bus money. If you need money, my companion is Amercan/Brazilian and he is rich! " It might work. Well things are good here. By some freak of nature I got up and went running the other day. My body didn't like it and punished me with terribly painful knees. Lets see if I do something crazy like that again. I prefer exercising my brain in a chair, it's less painful.